Condolence: I love you Mama, still thinking about you and missing you every day..

Condolence: I miss you so much, Mom. You were my best friend, now I just feel so empty... Everything reminds me of you, and I feel so angry and even deeply insulted when somebody tries to reassure me that you're in a better place now, you're not hurting anymore, and you wouldn't want me to cry all the time and feel this way. No, that's really not true, nobody understands, I don't care what anyone says, as sincere as they may be. I can't celebrate your life, you were only gonna turn 61 next month, I only had you for 28yrs, dude, you were still so young. It'd be different if it ACTUALLY WAS YOUR TIME, when you got wayyy older, then you'd have been ready, I'd be ready, well as ready as one would be expected to be.. what if you just needed some more time to heal?
I'm so sorry I never made something out of myself. I'm sorry I messed up so many things for you. I'm sorry I couldn't make your life better. I'm sorry I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to take care of you, I'm sorry I should have just kept you home, you wanted to come home, I'm so sorry Mom, I didn't know, I just thought you needed more time to heal, they were supposed to help you, not leave you in that bed to deteriorate. Remember I promised you that when you get home I would never ever let myself take you for granted? I remember you started to get all choked up and I heard a smile in your voice and you said yeah, and you chuckled and said "I love you baby"
I'm so sorry Mama.. I didn't know that'd be one of the last times I'd get to talk to you. You died alone.. I was there when you took your last breath but you pretty much died all alone at that godforsaken "rehabilitation" facility. I didn't know.. I'm sorry.. it's really late right now, I need to go to sleep, but I will be back on here to write more, I have so much more I need to say, I love you MamaDuck, I really can't wait to be with you.. I'll call Greenlawn in the morning..
Loved you yesterday,
Love you still,
Always have,
Always will.
heh, I remember saying that to you not that long ago, you really liked that..